Redemption Song

Redemption.

That is my word.
I didn't really realize that was my word. It is funny how you can say a word over and over and over again in the course of one conversation and not ever notice that you used (or, more likely OVER used) the word so frequently. It isn't until someone else points it out to you that you finally are made aware of the theme of your conversation.

At least that is how it was for me.

Back in October, just as my world began unraveling on me, I was lucky enough to have one of my oldest and dearest friends come to visit for the weekend. I poured my soul out to her that night over a glass (or 2, or 3) of wine. We talked about my current problems, the hope that I was clinging to, the reason I felt that way, knowing that the entire theme of the Bible is redemption, a God who brings healing to a broken and needy world, along with my fears, my doubts.

It wasn't until months later that I recognized the true significance of that conversation.
She sent me a simple email with a link to a blog that made her think of me... simply because she was so struck by the number of times I used that one word as we spoke that night.

Redemption

I didn't even realize that I had used the word THAT much. Granted, a little wine may have been blocking my memory a tad but I have vivid memories of that night. And she was right, redemption was the theme, I just hadn't seen it at the time.

And her simple email made me realize that I need to embrace what I know... God's story is still that of redemption. He still longs to redeem me and my situation. He longs to bring redemption to my story, because my story is His story.

But I am starting to realize that maybe I have been limiting the scope of redemption. I keep thinking that the only way God can really redeem this situation is if he brings my husband back to me. Redemption in my eyes has been our family being restored, my daughter having a full-time father, falling and staying in love with my husband.
But as hard as it has been for me, I am trying to confront the harsh reality that God can redeem me, even if Will never comes back. Even if Will chooses someone else over his family, God can redeem that. I don't think that is HIS plan, I don't think that is what He wants in all of this, but being a God who loves us enough to let us make our own decisions, no matter how bad, he is also able to redeem them.
I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that MY version of redemption is not necessarily the only possible means of redemption. It may not happen in the way I want it to. It may not happen the way GOD wants it to. But, no matter what, GOD CAN REDEEM. GOD WILL REDEEM.

I just have to be patient and trust. I have to know that He has a redemption song that he is composing for me to sing even now, even in the midst of the pain. One day, I will be singing. Married, remarried, single... I don't know. But I will sing.

REDEMPTION WILL BE MY SONG.