My Boo doll

Charlie knows that there are two toys that she has inherited (okay, she found them one day so I pretty much had to give them to her!) from mommy. She knows that she needs to be a little more careful with them than her others. One is the Pooh Bear doll that Will bought for me in high school. I slept with it almost every night until we got married and the Pooh bear was replaced by him (Pooh has made a reappearance in my room, in case you were wondering).

The other is my Boo doll.

Years ago when the movie Monsters, Inc. came out, I was immediately smitten with the little character, Boo. She completely captured my heart. I loved the way she would talk, her precious expressions, her pigtails. I longed to have a little girl just like her. Will bought me a little talking Boo doll back then (cause we would do that a lot, buy each other toys) and she sat on my nightstand for years as a reminder of what I had always hoped for, my own little Boo.

Years later, God gave her to me. In the most unusual and frightening of ways, God gave me a gift that I will never, ever believe that I am worthy of. He gave me my sweet and precious little girl, my own Boo. I remember holding this tiny, two and a half pound nugglet in the NICU and just praising God for her. Praising God that she was such a fighter , praising God that she was so strong. Praising God for the way I felt when I held her... I felt more secure, more confident in our ability to walk through the fire of the NICU. When I held her close to my chest, I felt closer to God. I experienced his love in a new and amazing way.

I still praise God for her. In fact, I think am more thankful for her now than I have ever been in my life.

On those days when I just want to stay in bed, she reminds me of why I get up. When I want to run, I remember why I stay. When we play tea together, when we spin circles and "ring around the rosies," when she makes me "breakfast" in her kitchen or just grabs my face and kisses me or tells me that she loves me, I praise God for her.

"Snuggling on the couch" is one of her new favorite things to do. I think it is a gift from God. I choose to believe that God is using her to fulfill some of my own deep needs for the comfort of physical touch. And I often am transported back to those feelings I experiences two and a half years ago in the NICU.

Now, as I snuggle with her on the couch and watch Monsters, Inc with her (one of her current favorite movies) the blessing does not ecape me and I find myself drowning in gratitude.
I am praising God that she is still such a fighter , praising God that she is still so strong. Praising God for the way I feel even now when I hold her... And I often feel one of those rare waves of security and a level of confidence that she and I will indeed be able to walk through this new fire of life.

And I hold my own little boo (pigtails and all) closer to me, hopeful that doing so will help me to feel even just a little bit closer to God and experience His love in an ever newer and more amazing way.