Hitting the Snooze

I miss my alarm clock, the one I used to be able to hit and then sleep for awhile longer. The one that was so easy to turn off as I would roll over and fall back asleep. I will admit to being a major snoozer. I would have to set the alarm for a good 45 minutes prior to when I really needed to get up just because I knew I would be snoozing.

But those days are long gone. Today, my alarm clock is vibrant and attention-getting. She wears Tinkerbell PJ's and continually exhorts me to "get up, get up, get up" every morning as she peels the covers from me. There used to be a day when I would get her and pull her into bed with us. The three of us would then spend another hour or so cuddling and sleeping. It was the best "snoozing" experience of my life. But now things are different.

Charlie doesn't want to cuddle with me in the mornings anymore. She wants to get up. She wants to get moving. She knows that each day has new promise and holds the potential for fun and excitement. Today could mean a play date with friends, a trip to the store (or better yet, Starbucks with mommy where she gets her "regular;" chocolate milk". Whatever the day holds, she is ready for it. She wants to start it. She is going to learn something today. Another part of her world is falling into place. I am amazed at how much she is processing and learning. It is like I am watching her world get patched together, one stitch at a time in her little two and a half year-old brain. The things she recognizes and says make all of this very clear to me. She knows when we pull into the parking lot of chic-fil-a, starbucks, church or target exactly where we are and why we are there. She remembers that she left her Buzz Lightyear doll at her friend Emily's house weeks ago. She remembers that Brooky and Hannah gave her specific clothes for her birthday 6 months ago or that Santa brought her "big girl panties" for Christmas. She knows that certain things we don't touch because they are hot or even "fraaaagile." She amazes me everyday as she puts all the things she is learning into little compartments in her brain and then pulls them out later as she needs them.

But I am often not ready for the day. I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to hit the snooze. My world doesn't seem to hold the same valuable lessons that her world holds. I don't have the same excitement over each day's potential. But I should. For as much as I have learned in my 31 years of life, I realize more and more each day how little I really do know and how little I have really understood. More so, I can see how many days have gone by with opportunities ripe for learning that have passed me by.

I remember the days (ever so vaguely) of sleeping in until 11 or even noon. It felt good at the time. But then I would get up and realize that I was still so tired. It was as if my overindulging had really done me more harm than good. My day would go in slow motion. I would be disappointed in the end with how little I got done before it was time to hit the pillow again.

Even today, I push the snooze of life too often. I waste away my time. Hours and days pass without even a single reflection of what I am learning, weather or not I am growing. I am pushing snooze on the truly important things in life. Maybe rolling over is just easier than being awake and aware of what my issues are and what I truly need to do to change. Whatever the reason, I find am sleeping the days away and, in the end, I just feel listless and even more exhausted with it all. Pushing the snooze is making me stagnant.

The funny thing is that now, after Charlie has dragged me out of bed (and after my first cup of coffee), I actually feel good. I feel awake. I feel ready for the day. Slowly I am realizing that the discipline of getting up (even though I HATE it as my feet hit the floor each morning) is important to starting my day, a day that holds promise and potential for me too, if only I get out of bed. If only I recognize it as another day and a new opportunity.

Even though I don't WANT to do it and I want to sleep, I want to be selfish, I get up now. I will occasionally ask for extra cuddle time (the elusive snooze) but I don't often get it. Instead, I get breakfast with Charlie. I get my morning cup of coffee. I get a jumpstart on my day. No more snooze. It is time to start the day. It is time to learn, to grow, to experience the beauty and potential of the day ahead.