Same old, same old...

I guess it comes with the territory. When your husband leaves you, it MUST be relatively natural to feel abandoned. I certainly feel that. Lately however, I have been feeling something a little worse than simply abandoned. I feel replaceable.

There are just so many memories. So many times that I look back on with great fondness, and the sadness follows shortly thereafter. I don't know how it is so easy to let go of 14 years of memories. It amazes me. I think about our trips to Hawaii, SC football games, taking Charlie to the park, game nights with friends... I am certain that his life, his NEW life will contain some of that. I am certain that he won't stop loving Hawaii and all things Tiki just because he isn't with me anymore. I am sure that he will continue to root for SC and attend homecoming games. I know he will still want to take Charlie to swing at the park. But now he will be doing that all with someone else. Now he will be with someone else. She will replace me in his world. It is a horrible, miserable feeling.

Will he go to the same restaurants WE used to go to? Stay in the same hotels? Will the number 9 still be one of his favorite numbers even though it seemed to hold so much significance for US? I wish I could understand how you can just trade it all in, maintain this world we created together while slipping someone else into the role I once played in his life.

I so desperately wish things were different. And I certainly wish it were less painful to feel so completely replaceable.